First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
