I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
