you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
