dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
