i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
