I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
