she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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