Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
