Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize