I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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