Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
