the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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