he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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