can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
