Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
