Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
