i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, beer. Big fan.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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