I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
