i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
