Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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