Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
