At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
