I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sorry about my life...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
