You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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