The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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