adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
nutella sex= disaster
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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