the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
