Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
