what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
