he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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