hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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