wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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