Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize