Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
