oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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