Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
