is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
