Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We named our party play list daddy issues
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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