i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
