It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
