okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
