just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Less talking, more tequila
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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