On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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