Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
