i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
