I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do vagina's smell?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
