guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
