"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
