highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i believe in u and ur pee
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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