he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
