I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
