After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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