Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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