Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
