I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
