yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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