It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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