Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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