i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
