so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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