i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
