i was born a porn star she said
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
