census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
