look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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