The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
