Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
