The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
