easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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