I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
