He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
