Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
