I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
