he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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