Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
