Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize