Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
