i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
