I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
