hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
