I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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