When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
