Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
