if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
