I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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