god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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