We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
