You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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